The Journal of Spirited Coaching|
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| Publishing Frequency - Twice monthly, usually around the 1st and the 15th | May 1, 2011 | Vol.#8 Issue#8 |
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Faces of the Rescuer
From Chapter 3 ("A Drawing in the Sand") of The Power of TED* When participants in workshops are asked to identify which is their dominant or default role when in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™, the vast majority identify themselves as a Rescuer. Certainly, it is perceived as more benevolent than the roles of Victim and, especially, Persecutor. A Rescuer is often well intentioned, not aware of how they reinforce the powerlessness in the Victim they are serving. As a "Recovering Rescuer" myself, that was definitely my primary role, though I also did my fair share of playing the other roles as well. In my family-of-origin I was the peacemaker; in my intimate relationships I was the pleaser; and in my management roles I was often the hero problem-solver or mediator. There were other ways I played the Rescuer in other aspects of life and, make no mistake, I still find myself playing the role from time to time. A marvelous and gently confrontive book has recently come to my attention that has sparked reflection on the various ways - or faces - that of a Rescuer. When Helping You is Hurting Me, by Carmen Renee Berry serves as a Challenger to anyone whose identity is bound up in the Rescuer role. In her work as a social worker and counselor, Berry observed and developed her own version of the DDT, with its triangle of roles: Victim, Offender (Persecutor), and Messiah (Rescuer). She identifies seven different faces of "Messiah" and how each assumes responsibility for other people (who, I would add, they approach as Victims needing them):
As already mentioned, I most closely relate to the Pleaser (intimate relationships), Protector (family-of-origin) and both Counselor and Teacher (as a manager). Before reading her book, I had the opportunity to meet with Carmen Renee Berry and am grateful to be developing a collegial relationship with her. Having read The Power of TED* before our meeting, she enthusiastically expressed the contribution that The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*)™ makes in offering people "another place to go" as they grow beyond the DDT, in general, and the Rescuer role, specifically. The basic empowerment move for a Rescuer/Messiah is to shift from Rescuer to Coach. A Coach views others as being ultimately capable and resourceful, whereas a Rescuer treats the other as powerless or in need of fixing. In this role, we serve others by seeing them as a Creator in their own right, and supporting them in the process of creating outcomes, solving problems or responding to life circumstance. A Coach does this by asking questions that help clarify envisioned outcomes, current realities, and possible Baby Steps (small sequential actions that lead toward lasting change). A Coach dares the other to dream and discern the pathways for manifesting their visions. Another possible shift may be from Rescuer to Challenger. A conscious, constructive Challenger serves as a catalyst for change, learning, and growth and creates an opportunity for thoughtful action for a Creator. They, too, view those they challenge as a Creator in their own right. There are ways to serve - as a Co-Creator, a Coach and a Challenger - that increases resourcefulness and empowers others. We need not rescue. We need not be a Messiah. Putting it Into Practice If you are one of the many who easily adopt the role of Rescuer/Messiah, the following reflection or journaling exercise is for you: 1. What faces of the Rescuer do you take on? In what aspects of your life do you take on which face? 2. In what ways are you seeing the other(s) as powerless or as needing you to "do" for them? 3. Which of the TED* roles (Creator; Challenger; or Coach) would best allow you to serve the other(s) in ways that empower and increase their own capabilities? 4. What is one baby step you can take to begin making the shift to that TED* role?
Writing under the pen name of David Emerald, he is the author of The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic), a teaching story about Self Leadership, as well as the book’s supplemental workbook, A Personal Guide to Applying The Power of TED*. Love, Online Classes Discover the many benefits of attending a class online! If you'd like to learn more about spiritual and metaphysical things, there's no easier, simpler way than with an online class. One HUGE benefit is that you have the freedom of being able to take the classes when and where you want! Can't you just see yourself cozied up with your laptop or iPad on the sofa, the music of your choice playing in the background, your favorite tea or coffee close at hand... and you totally comfy in your sweats or jammies! How can it get any better?!? Here's the list of these online classes in all their splendiforous glory:
Essential Oil of the Month This blend of essential oils was created to help us overcome the bombardment of chaotic energy that alters our focus and takes us off our path toward higher achievements. Galbanum oil has a strong effect when blended with frankincense and sandalwood in gathering our emotional and spiritual thoughts, helping us to achieve our highest potential. These oils help increase the oxygen around the pineal and pituitary gland, bringing greater harmonic frequency to receive the communication we desire. This blend helps bring people together on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels for greater focus and clarity. It helps one stay focused, grounded, and clear in gathering one's potential for self-improvement. Ingredients:
Suggestions of how to use it:
Young Living essential oils are steam distilled from the leaves and stems of 100% organic plants. Unlike other brands of essential oils, there are no chemicals used in the processing of the plants. Nor are there chemicals or other ingredients added to dilute or damage the natural healing properties of the oils. Order
online at www.youngliving.us.
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